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Love Makes You Happy, But Slower


Highest Calling

From a recent Huffington Post article, we now believe that:

1. Love makes you dumb and dumber. Studies have shown that people who are passionately in love are less able to focus and to perform tasks that require attention.

“When you have just become involved in a romantic relationship you’ll probably find it harder to focus on other things because you spend a large part of your cognitive resources on thinking of your beloved,” Dr. Henk van Steenbergen, assistant professor at Leiden University in The Netherlands, said in a written statement released by the university.

2. Love makes you high. And scientists have the MRI scans to prove it. When you fall in love, the same neural system in your brain linked to cocaine addiction becomes active, giving you that feeling of euphoria.

“You can feel intense elation when you’re in love. You can feel intense elation when you’re high on cocaine,” Dr. Lucy Brown, a professor of neurology and neuroscience at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, told CNN.

3. Love can make you less vulnerable to pain. Forget the Vicodin, maybe all you need is romance.
“It turns out that some of the areas of the brain activated by feelings of intense love are the same areas that drugs use to reduce pain,” Dr. Arthur Aron, a psychology professor  at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, said in a written statement released by Stanford University.

In fact, just holding hands with the person you love may alleviate pain.

5. Love makes you walk slower. For the guys, that is. Researchers have found that men adjust their walking speed to match their romantic partner’s pace — an odd phenomenon not seen when guys walk with someone they consider just a friend.

6. It makes you blind. Some studies show that people in a committed relationship who have been actively thinking about their partner actually avert their eyes from attractive members of the opposite sex unknowingly — it’s called an act of unconscious attentional bias.

There’s more!

Love is Everything



Performed by Mary J. Blige

You are my everything
You are my everything
You, my everything
Everything, everything, everything

It’s all because of you, I’m never sad and blue
You’ve brightened up my days in your own special way
Whenever you’re around, I’m never feeling down
You are my trusted friend, on you I can depend

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise
And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life
It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face
I would fall so deep in love that your love can’t be replaced

 You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

My darling only you can make my dreams come true
And every night I pray, you’ll never go away
I promise I will try until the day I die
To treat you like a king because you are my everything

You take me away from the pain and you bring me paradise
And when there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life
It never occurred to me
I would fall so deep in love that your love can’t be replaced

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

 You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you

 When you’re lovin’ me, put your lovin’ arms around me
When you’re lovin’ me, said I feel so safe, I find security
When you’re lovin’ me, forever I want you to hold me
My everything, my every, every, every, everything

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you
You are everything and everything is you

You are my everything
Love so good only you can bring
You are my everything
You are everything and everything is you

And I thank you, thank you, thank you

Brown, Timothy Michael / Johnson, Damon / Rodgers, Nile / Edwards, Bernard / Rooney, Mark / Morales, Mark / Blair, Jourdan / Hodgkinson, Steven

Published by:
Lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Universal Music Publishing Group, Royalty Network, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

What Are You Reading?


Urban Fiction

With so many books to choose from, many of us are choosing popular “urban literature” books that are easy to read and sexually titillating.  Urban literature or “street lit” is the prominent form of African American literature today.  However, the main characters often lack empowerment and their actions involve morally questionable profanity, sex, and violence.   The characters have interesting escapades, but are unable to maintain positive relationships.  Our teenagers often love these books about romanticized, “ghetto” love.  What is the effect of street lit on your love relationships for you and your children?

We become what we imagine (see the power of creative visualization) and our relationships tend to mirror what we see and hear before us:  in movies, television, radio, and books.  This is true of all types of media:  fiction, nonfiction, animation, cable, movies, pay-per-view, comics, music, etc.

When looking for a healthy, loving, long-term relationship, we need to constantly remind ourselves what this looks like.  If this type of match is really what you seek, everything that you see, inhale, and put your energy towards needs to be about this focused goal until you accomplish it.

What are you seeing when you read your favorite erotic fiction?

5 Tips for a Great New Relationship in the New Year


FireworksHappy New Year!  Some of us are single.  Others are in relationships that are not meeting our needs.  What are the best ways to prepare for a great relationship in the New Year?

1. Out With the Old, In With the New.  Detach yourself so that you are available.  This detachment is physical, emotional, and spiritual.  Detachment does not require that you break up if you are currently in a relationship, although that might be the best way to separate yourself and become open to new possibilities.  Detachment is necessary to attract the love you desire. 2014

2. Get Real.  Be realistic when you see where you are in your life and what you want from a partnership.  Leave fantasy land behind and be willing to accept imperfections in people.  WITHOUT COMPROMISING YOUR STANDARDS, be open-minded to dating outside of your comfort zone, such as dating those with children, dating in a different geographic area, expanding your age range, being open to other spiritual beliefs, etc.

3. Surround Yourself With Love.  Analyze the company you keep and the relationships you maintain.  If they are not loving, find others who are. Love takes many shapes and forms and you feel its presence when it is there.  Being loved yourself helps you be more loving to others.

4. Get Off Your High Horse.  It is true that some people have more integrity, intelligence, and material success than others.  Find others who are like you but do not dismiss or throw away people for being who they are.  The belief that you are better than other people keeps you from being accessible and able to bond, not just with them, but with others who are compatible with you, too.  By being less judgmental, you are softening your heart and inviting more love into your life.

5. Learn to Give Soulfully.  Natural Law dictates:  what you give is what you get.  When you give of your energy, time, and other resources in a caring way without expectation of what you will get in return, you share your inner essence and encourage the rest of the Universe to do the same.  Remember to give what you can freely from the heart whenever you want to.

What’s Your Number?


Young Couple with Dinner and Wine numbers

From Cafe Astrology:

Step one is to calculate your Name Number.  Here’s an EXAMPLE:
Name given at birth: Mary Lynn Smith.
Find each letter and its corresponding numeral in the chart above, and then add these digits together:
4+1+9+7+3+7+5+5+1+4+9+2+8 = 65
Reduce by adding the sum’s digits together, and then further reduce to come to a single digit, if necessary:
65 = 6+5 = 11
11 = 1+1 = 2

In this example, the Name Number is 2, representing the personality type.

Number One
One is the leader. The number one indicates the ability to stand alone, and is a strong vibration. Ruled by the Sun.

Keywords: independent, creative, original, ambitious, determined, self-assured. If expressed negatively: arrogant, stubborn, impatient, self-centered.

As lovers: Number ones take the lead in love. Love and/or the chase is of utmost importance to these lovers. There can be self-centeredness, however. These lovers are willing to experiment, and they can be quite exciting–they can also require a lot of excitement because they can bore easily.

Number Two
This is the mediator and peace-lover. The number two indicates the desire for harmony. It is a gentle, considerate, and sensitive vibration. Ruled by the Moon.

Keywords: diplomatic, warm, peaceful, sensitive. If expressed negatively: too dependent, manipulative, passive-aggressive.

As lovers: Number Twos will bend over backwards to keep a relationship running smoothly. They offer emotional security to their lovers. The number two is associated with the Moon and, since the Moon rules Cancer in astrology, is similar to the Cancer vibration.

Number Three
Number Three is a sociable, friendly, and outgoing vibration. Kind, positive, and optimistic, Three’s enjoy life and have a good sense of humor. Ruled by Jupiter.

Keywords: jovial, friendly, positive, adventurous, self-expressive. If expressed negatively: extravagant, scattered, superficial.

As lovers: Number Threes are fun, energetic, and willing to experiment. These lovers need space and contact with others in order to feel content. If they feel confined, they will be unhappy and restless. Allowed the freedom to socialize and scatter their energies, they are exciting and happy lovers.

Number Four
This is the worker. Practical, with a love of detail, Fours are trustworthy, hard-working, and helpful. Ruled by Uranus.

Keywords: trustworthy, helpful, steady, logical, self-disciplined, problem-solving. If expressed negatively: contrary, stubborn, narrow.

As lovers: Although steady and generally trustworthy, Fours can be quite emotional and frustrated if they feel caged in. They tend to need some level of confrontation in their love lives. A relationship that stagnates will bring out their contrary nature. They love to solve problems, and if allowed to “take on” and tackle predicaments, they are very loyal lovers.

Number Five
This is the freedom lover. The number five is an intellectual vibration. These are “idea” people with a love of variety and the ability to adapt to most situations. Ruled by Mercury.

Keywords: adaptable, freedom-loving, romantic, resourceful, witty, fun-loving, curious, flexible, accommodating. If expressed negatively, non-committal, irresponsible, inconsistent.

As lovers: These lovers are generally attractive to the opposite sex, as they are adaptable, curious, and friendly. Their wit and love of fun is unmistakable. In order to be happy in love, they need some level of change and variety. They also require mental stimulation. They are quick to adapt to ups and downs, but when under-stimulated, they can be inconsistent and resisting of making commitments.

Number Six
This is the peace lover. The number six is a loving, stable, and harmonious vibration. Ruled by Venus.

Keywords: compassionate, stable, family-loving, trustworthy, domesticated. If expressed negatively, superficial, jealous, possessive, unwilling to change.

As lovers: Number Sixes have a deep dislike of discord and will generally work hard at keeping the peace. They are very attached to their homes and their families. At their best, they are devoted and stable partners who do whatever they can to maintain balance and harmony. At their worst, they take their peace-loving natures too far, and become lethargic, diplomatic to the point of superficiality, and jealous.

Number Seven
This is the deep thinker. The number seven is a spiritual vibration. These people are not very attached to material things, are introspective, and generally quiet. Ruled by Neptune.

Keywords: unusual, introspective, intuitive, psychic, wise, reserved. If expressed negatively: melancholic, odd, leaves too much to chance, hard to reach.

As lovers: These lovers are a little spaced out, and sometimes hard to reach and to understand. However, their disinterest in material things and focus on spirituality makes for interesting, if a little kooky, bed partners and mates. They are intuitive, some are psychic, and although they can be loners at different times in their lives, they are often devoted partners. They can reach levels of intimacy and romance beyond many people’s imaginations. However, their goals in love may be too lofty and thus they can be prone to disappointment when relationships inevitably fall short of ideal.

Number Eight
This is the manager. Number Eight is a strong, successful, and material vibration. Ruled by Saturn.

Keywords: ambitious, business-minded, practical, leading, authoritative, successful, courageous, accomplished, organized. If expressed negatively: tense, narrow, materialistic, forceful.

As lovers: These lovers take a commitment with responsibility and bravery. When they treat relationships like business deals, however, they can easily alienate partners and fall short of creating a tolerant and romantic atmosphere. Eights are generally practical and secure, and offer their mates stability and security.

Number Nine
This is the teacher. Number Nine is a tolerant, somewhat impractical, and sympathetic vibration. Ruled by Mars.

Keywords: jack of all trades, humanitarian, sympathetic, helpful, emotional, tolerant, active, determined. If expressed negatively: financially careless, moody, bullying, overly emotional, sullen, restless.

As lovers: These lovers are involved and helpful. Because they are sympathetic, they can easily be doormats. They show their love by helping their partners, and assuming their lovers’ problems. If triggered, their emotions can be volcanic, and a seemingly meek personality can resort to bullying tactics when unhappy.


Vegetables Are Good For You


kinky_carrotsThese vegetables are especially good for you!

Soul Food


Soul Food

Nourishing spirit…   As many of us strive to maintain healthy weight and lose weight in the New Year, we can get real comfort and joy from loving each other.

Successful Love Within Orisa Spirtual System


Astrorisa Moon Talk Radio: For those who are new to the Orisa and Egungun system of living, this short 101 discussion about how to begin those steps towards a successful love relationship, is for you. www.Astrorisamoon.com

Don’t Be a Statistic

Healthy Habits of Happy Couples


Couple on the beachWhat does it take to be happy in a relationship? Psychology Today reports the 10 habits of happy couples:

1. Go to bed at the same time. Happy couples go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.

2. Cultivate common interests.   If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side.  Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode. If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong. If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work. Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.  This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel. This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day. Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner. Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Read the entire article HERE.

Are You a Queen?

The Fragrance of Love


Fragrance Scents
Love and senses go hand-in-hand.  Flowery fragrances are sweet, sensual and romantic. These scents promote the mood of love and beauty, penetrating and infusing the spirit.  Try these scents as we prepare for the national Valentine’s Day observance:

  1. Cinnamon
  2. Clove
  3. Sandalwood
  4. Patchouli
  5. Geranium
  6. Vanilla
  7. Honey
  8. Orange
  9. Lime
  10. Rose

Black History & Valentine’s Day: Everyday

What is Intimacy?


Couple in TubIntimacy means more than a physical, sexual act.  It is a closeness, a bond that is felt past the sensory level to the heart chakra or soul level. Ironically, you can have intimacy without having sex and sex without intimacy.

According to the University of Florida’s Counseling & Wellness Center, “Intimacy is a process – not a thing. It takes place over time and is not stagnant. In fact, any kind of stagnation in a relationship kills intimacy. Intimacy can also take many forms.”

Different forms of intimacy include:

  • Cognitive/Intellectual
  • Experiential
  • Emotional
  • Sexual

Since different people respond to different forms and levels of intimacy, it is important for partners to take the time to get to know each other first.  Knowing and understanding each other by sharing time, opinions, ideas, emotions, experiences, and physical space builds all types of intimacy.

For  more information, visit the University of Florida site.

Close Your Eyes…

The Best Ones Are at the Top

No Valentine? No Worry! 5 Tips


A Life Lived in LoveHow can you enjoy your Valentine’s Day with no mate?  Focus on yourself and what you need to do to make progress toward your love goal.  Specifically:

  1. Think about what you have and all of your abundant blessings.  Chances are, you did not get these overnight and you worked hard over a period of time.
  2. Maintain a positive outlook on love.
  3. Know that Valentine’s Day is just one day out of the calendar year.
  4. Treat  yourself and those you love well on this day and everyday.
  5. Know that even those with partners often get disappointed on this day–manage your expectations!

Which One to Choose? A 7-Step Guide



Sometimes, if we are lucky, we get to choose between two potential partners for us.  This makes sense because there are millions of people in the world and we are compatible with many.  There is great potential to be happy with more than one person in our lifetime, but when it comes to exclusivity in our relationship, we typically choose one person to focus our loving attention on.

Because our love energy and attention is going to be shared with this one particular person, s/he should be very special and offer us the type of relationship that we truly desire.  This quick guide can help you make your decision about which one to choose:

  1. Write a list of what you like and dislike about each potential partner.  Compare the lists, but also star the qualities that are most important to you.
  2. Communicate with your special someone to find out if s/he has a vision for your future together.  Your potential partner may not have a shared vision and this is important for you to know, too.  If both potential partners have shared visions of a future together, which future is most attractive to you?
  3. Ask yourself:  which one do you see yourself growing old with grace, dignity, and bonded closeness?
  4. Ask yourself:  which one will take better care of you when you are sick?
  5. Compare the fun factor for both potential partners.  Which one makes you laugh?
  6. Communication is important.  Which partner can you talk with most easily and share your innermost thoughts and feelings?
  7. Ask yourself:  which one is the one you would most want your son or daughter to marry?

Benefits of Counseling & Therapy For African Americans


By Amir Figueroa

African American TherapySilence, stigma, discrimination and shame shroud many things in the Black community; particularly, mental health awareness. I know I like to handle things myself. After all, who knows you better than yourself? However, there is nothing like having an unbiased, open ear to the story of your life. There is power in utilizing the services of individual, couples, and family counseling.

Silence can be quite harmful to any individual or group. There are countless stories that have been revealed about women, men, boys, and girls who have experienced abuse, sexual assault, extreme depression, life threatening illnesses, and many other things that can often go unnoticed. Not addressing it can lead to even greater consequences. It doesn’t always have to end in death, but can also be a lifetime of pain.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reported, “African Americans tend to rely on family, religious and social communities for emotional support rather than turning to health care professionals, even though this may at times be necessary.” It’s great to have honest family and friends who can keep it real with you, but an unbiased opinion from someone who has professional experience dealing with mental health issues can be incredibly rewarding. It is reassuring to see change within your lifetime. For example, I am proud to be a member of an African American Baptist church in Harlem, NYC that has a counselor on staff, offering their services for free.

In relationships, we often bring our own baggage, heartache, scars, and secrets. Take for example, a guy who, when in a relationship, has other women on the side. Some may say he likes to have his cake and eat it too, but on a deeper level he could have issues with loneliness or abandonment. Woman after woman could label him as a dog, but it takes a concerned woman to recommend counseling. The follow through comes with the man actually committing to it, and realizing that the loneliness and abandonment issues may stem from the loss of his father at such a young age. We have to be available as family, friends, and partners to come from a place of love. Leave judgment to the court rooms. We have to listen twice as much as we speak and lead with compassion.

For more information, a great place to start is the National Institute of Mental Health (www.nimh.nih.gov). State and local resources will vary, but they are available.

Has a therapist or counselor helped with your own relationships?

Read the full article at singleblackmale.org.

The Poetry She Instilled in Me


The Poetry She Instilled in MeBy Techelet S. Jean

The story is really about how a woman can become the inspiration in your life and deeply inspire, push you to be at the fullest potential. I truly believe that women have been one of the greatest motivators throughout humanity. When she is great, she will sharpen and straighten you up to be better, stronger, tougher in unimaginable ways.

Ultimately, that lady can be your mother, grandmother, muse, or lover. As men, we soulfully search for that kind of connection with that special female who is going to challenge, change our lives for the ultimate purpose and adventure.